I set off today in fine spirits. We’ve had a lovely few days of weather and what could be better than a dog walk by the river in the sunshine?
Since the arrival of baby, the dog walk has become a little more complex but we got through the application of baby sun lotion, the donning of baby sunhat and the slinging of babs with only the tiniest of disapproving cries.
I remembered poo bags, mobile phone, muzzle (more of that later), 2 leads, dog whistle, ball and ball-whanger and extra layer for baby should the weather suddenly take a turn. Managed to cram these things into various pockets of my combats and set off.
It wasn’t long before the first hazard had to be negotiated - picnickers. Spot sees them as an opportunity for a snack, particularly small children that are liable to throw their crisps in the air and run at the sight of a dog. Sproket sees them as perfectly positioned to throw his ball. If they don’t co-operate, he barks at them… a particularly high pitched piercing bark that startles small children and makes them cry. After I have apologised profusely to parents for upsetting all their children we move off swiftly
Second hazard - fishermen. Plenty of these lining the Thames. Again, Spot sees the maggots as a feast (a good 2nd course to crisps) and Sproket sees another ball-thrower. Some fishermen are good natured, others just swear at me. If I’m particularly unlucky the dogs will be hot and throw themselves into the river, scaring all the fish and angering the fisherman further
Third Hazard -cows. Around here the farmers turn the cows out for 
summer grazing in the fields by the river. The cynical amongst us suspect they pick the fields with footpaths through them to house their livelier bullocks and heifers. Cows require both sets of dogs to be put on leads. Sproket is petrified of cows and abandons whoever he’s walking with in a bid to exit the field as quickly as possible. In the past this has lead to him jumping a 4ft barbed wire fence and requiring extensive stitching. Spot, if allowed to run free, eats cowpats and weaves between their legs, whips them into a frenzy then gets chased by the whole herd. So the dogs are caught and put on leads (invariably can’t remember which combat pocket the leads are in so open them all and find them after spilling most of the pocket contents onto the grass
[as you gathered, Spot eats maggots, cowpats, picnics and anything else on a walk so I now find it easier just to muzzle him with a baskerville muzzle to avoid any digestive upsets]
After all this it’s time to sit down. I found a lovely spot by the river and 
was gazing out at the ducklings when Sproket decided he’d like a dip. Upon exiting the river, he shook himself and fired water all over us. And to add insult to injury he then began to dig himself a hole and fired earth all over us. That was enough to set the baby off and I decided to head home
At least I didn’t get lost or experience Rover Rage
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